


let the stars fall

by byeolbit



Category: VIXX
Genre: Gen, Hopeful Ending, angst with hints of burn out and depression, figure skaters! neo, hakyeon finds his passion again, hints of hyuken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25282390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeolbit/pseuds/byeolbit
Summary: The music starts and Hakyeon glides across the ice.
Relationships: Cha Hakyeon | N & Jung Taekwoon | Leo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	let the stars fall

**Author's Note:**

> Just another Hakyeon oneshot that I have been chipping away at for a while. I did not intend on it having any elements of Neo but I was proven wrong.

Hakyeon breathes. The sound of the applause is deafening but Hakyeon already has it blocked out the moment he skates into the rink. This is it. The Olympics. It is his last chance to get a score that can make it or break it. He has a lead from the short program but he can’t afford to fuck up and let it slip away.

He skates around the rink once, acknowledging his crowd and the judging panel with practiced ease.

He stands, raising his hands above his head to form a teardrop like shape. Three, two, one.

The music starts and he glides across the ice.

-

_“Look Yeonnie! You are skating!” Wonshik yelled in delight._

_“I'm skating!” Hakyeon exclaimed. The two three year olds giggled as they haphazardly moved on the ice, breaking in the new rink that Wonshik's father had bought._

-

A triple lutz and a triple toe loop. Hakyeon nearly over-rotated there but he doesn't. The execution is perfect and the technical score for the execution of this element is in the bag. Three more elements to go.

Hakyeon lunges into the next formation. The routine is three eighths of the way through.

Up next is a quadruple toe loop. The toe loop moves into a backward step that forms an eight across the rink and concludes in a salchow. Hakyeon smiles, trying to match the rising tempo of the song and emotes the determination the melody means to convey harmonically. He moves to the rhythm in a practiced manner. He has executed this routine nearly a thousand times now.

The axel concludes in a Biellman spin, his body forming a teardrop as the music crescendos in its climax and finally drops with Hakyeon spreading out and stopping in his ending poses, trying to control his heavy breathing long enough to not collapse.

The crowd breaks into a roar, applauding what is surely the best performance they have seen today.

All of it rings hollow to Hakyeon.

-

_“I never want to skate again!” Hakyeon yells. Or tries to as the tears forming in his eyes lead to his throat choking on his own sobbing. Hakyeon falls over on a particularly tricky spot of ice on the rink and deduces that never skating is the best way to never risk injury again. Specifically when it hurts so bad and feels so cold._

_“You’re fine you big cry baby” his sister tells him. Joohyun is five years older than Hakyeon but feels much older and more mean. “Falling is how you learn.”_

_Hakyeon shakes his head furiously, with all the stubbornness a six year old can muster when she offers her hand to help him._

_“Suit yourself buddy” Joohyun says as she gives up and pretends to skate away._

_Hakyeon is suddenly seized by a panic. Joohyun won’t leave him here right? The fear heightens when Joohyun disappears behind a group of teenage girls skating and is nowhere to be seen._

_Hakyeon struggles but lifts himself up. He wipes his tears because they only cloud his vision and do not help in his search. He looks around frantically till he spots a familiar red wooden scarf flying around the rink and pushes forward, determined to chase it._

_Joohyun spots him but sticks her tongue out at him and simply skates ahead. Hakyeon cries indignantly and follows, speeding up to catch up to her. She taunts him but slows her pace down and Hakyeon finally catches her by holding onto her coat._

_“Was that so bad?” Joohyun asks when she puts her arm around her clingy brother. Hakyeon nods and she laughs._

_“But you came so far all on your own. Skating was never your problem Hakyeon.”_

-

Hakyeon wonders if he would be here today if not for Joohyun’s words twenty years ago. He stands in the kiss and cry and does his most mature expression of grace and modesty as he scores a high mark for his program, guaranteeing him a gold with the lead obtained.

His first Olympic gold. After years of dreaming about this moment, it’s finally here. Hakyeon modestly thinks he is getting ahead of himself but the numbers on the board don’t lie. The gap between him and the defending champion has him in the lead and he is the second last to perform.

He spots Joohyun and Wonshik in the crowd, cheering for him and his eyes well up just a little. He wouldn’t be here without them today. He couldn’t have made it this far without the support of his loved ones and the sacrifices they made to help him achieve his dream.

A small nagging in his head wonders if he would rather be here at all.

-

Hakyeon’s mother smothers him in kisses and his father proudly brags when Hakyeon humbly hands him his gold medal. Their family has a gold medalist now. The nation’s pride. He’ll be telling this story for generations to come.

There is a mini crowd gathered around Joohyun who regales everyones with tales about the setup for the games and the sights she has seen. She’s lucky to have a kind brother who would drag her along and show her the wonders of the world. Of course the jet lag between time zones is horrible but the memories are worth everything.

Hakyeon poses for pictures with the neighbourhood kids. Everyone wants the memory of meeting a celebrity who lives near them. Wonshik is the one who comes to his rescue and shoos everyone away, claiming Hakyeon must rest after his long travel so he can stay in top form. Everyone agrees instantaneously. A model athlete must take care of themselves and stick to their routine, of course.

Hakyeon bows out and retreats to his room to take a shower and lie down. The press will circle in like vultures tomorrow morning but he has today for himself. He goes through his phone and sends perfunctory thank yous to congratulatory messages, clears out notifications from different social media apps and closes his eyes.

He normally dreams of his routines, practicing even in his sleep. Tonight, he dreams of an empty ice rink and his first ever pair of competition skates. He weighs them in his hand and sighs.

The echo of that sigh remains in his bones when he wakes up the next morning.

-

“What do you want to do now?” Joongki, his coach asks as he blows on his instant noodles to cool it down.

“Think of a new routine for the next season, I suppose” Hakyeon replies as he pushes the cherry tomatoes in his salad around.

The preparation of a new routine is a tedious process. Years of experience make translating the ideas in his head to steps on the ice easier but he is never satisfied till it is perfect before demo-ing to Joongki. But getting a vision of what the new routine should look like is hard at the moment. Nothing seems to coherently meld together in a way that satisfies the perfectionist in him.

Joongki laughs and pats Hakyeon’s head. “Always a workaholic. You don’t have to start preparing for the next season right away. You deserve a break. You’ve just won an Olympic medal my son!”

Hakyeon smiles sheepishly as Joongki launches into a list of ideas for what Hakyeon can do in his free time. He has ideas for overnight trips and retreats to week long holidays in foreign locations that would be cost effective at the moment. (“I might even let you go for a month you know! You’ve earned it!!”)

Joongki only stops when Sanghyuk, the owner of the small noodle shop they are currently seated in, stops by to congratulate Hakyeon and declare that their lunch is on the house today. It’s not every day that an Olympic gold medallist eats at his humble establishment, Sanghyuk declares dramatically. Joongki laughs and orders another round of the fried chicken to celebrate.

Hakyeon turns to the window and lets his mind drift as he watches the last of the brown leaves on the ginkgo tree fall. There’s still some time to spring, he thinks idly. How patient must the trees be to wait winters year upon year to bloom once again.

-

Hakyeon takes to walking at night. It’s the only time the town is peaceful and no one disturbs him. The night breeze is pleasant now that the cold is letting up and he doesn’t need more than a scarf and a long coat to stay warm.

He takes the familiar route from his home to his gym and then to the ice rink at the far end of the block. He passes by the neighbourhood they used to live in before Hakyeon took up competitive skating. His parents decided to move to their current home because it was close to the rink and affordable. Hakyeon doesn’t have many memories of this place since he was very young then but it still feels homely.

The small neighbourhood slopes uphill to a small cluster of private villas owned by a resort. The main road is free for vehicles and people to move through. He walks till he reaches the sunset viewing deck on top of the hill. The viewing deck has a beautiful overview of the small town and Hakyeon has a habit of coming here to hide and simply breathe whenever he feels overwhelmed by the pressure of competition.

It’s ironic that he ends up here again when he should be feeling euphoric and on top of the world.

The stars look brighter and clearer here than they did back in the Olympic village. Hakyeon sits down on a bench and counts the stars in the sky. He no longer remembers the constellations his father taught him to identify and using an app just doesn’t have the same feeling.

Hakyeon takes a picture of the view for his instagram. He captions it with the date. He likes to keep his captions simple and short. He uploads it and switches off the notifications of likes and comments rolling in.

-

“If it isn’t the local celebrity” Jaehwan says as he notices Hakyeon. He stands up from the splits he’s attempting and envelopes Hakyeon in a hug. Jaehwan’s students aren’t here and Hakyeon is grateful for the privacy. He has had his fill of awestruck glances for a lifetime.

“How have you been Jaehwannie?” Hakyeon asks. He’s normally formal with everyone but Jaehwan’s very being inspires cute addresses.

“The same as when you last saw me” Jaehwan says with a shrug.

“So no progress on asking Sanghyuk out then?” Hakyeon asks, sitting down and doing his own stretches. Jaehwan sputters and indignantly protests as he sits down next to Hakyeon and goes back to stretching. (“I don’t know what gave you such a ridiculous idea”). Hakyeon laughs at Jaehwan who threatens to hit him with the nearest stage prop and bears his threats as graciously as possible before collapsing into fits of giggles and falling to the floor. Jaehwan takes the opportunity to wrestle him down completely and the two rough house for a bit before Jaehwan gives up and pulls away.

“Why are you here today? I would have tidied up a bit if I had known you were coming” Jaehwan says when both of them have taken a moment to calm down. Hakyeon simply hums in response.

“I was taking a walk and thought I would drop in to trouble you” he says mischievously.

“You are never a bother” Jaehwan says sincerely. “I thought you would be practicing right now though. You never seemed to do anything other than practice.”

“I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing,” Hakyeon says. He pretends not to notice Jaehwan’s gaze on him. Jaehwan is intuitive like that. He picks up on whatever Hakyeon doesn’t say even before Hakyeon realizes what he isn’t saying. But if he doesn’t look, he can pretend to hide his melancholy forever.

-

“It’s good to see you here” Taekwoon says when Hakyeon comes to stand next to him.

The national sports organization organizes a free program in Seoul to celebrate the performance of their athletes in the winter olympics. Hakyeon receives the first press invite as the gold medallist and current champion. Taekwoon receives it too as the current silver medallist but three time gold champion before Hakyeon.

This is the first time in three weeks that the two of them have had the time to talk since the competition ended. It’s only when Hakyeon sneaks away to the empty auditorium after the program is over that he finds Taekwoon and decides to say hello instead of leaving. Taekwoon is a man of few words and Hakyeon appreciates that since his socialisation battery is running low.

“It’s nice to be here” Hakyeon replies, leaning against the wall enclosing the ice. Taekwoon hums and the two of them watch the empty ice without saying much.

“You live in a pretty neighbourhood” Taekwoon says and the statement surprises Hakyeon. “I saw your instagram” he adds by way of an explanation.

“Didn’t take you to be a social media stalker Mr Jung” Hakyeon says playfully.

“I am stalking your cute friend. Please set us up” Taekwoon deadpans and Hakyeon laughs.

"Wonshik likes someone" Hakyeon confides in him. "I'm afraid I can't set you up with him."

"He's not the one I had in mind" Taekwoon says with a shrug and Hakyeon is surprised by the admission. Surely Taekwoon has been joking with him.

"Have you started working on your new program yet?" Taekwoon asks, switching gears mid conversation.

"I'm… thinking about it" Hakyeon admits.

"Just thinking?" Taekwoon hums and leans back. He looks at Hakyeon with an incredulous face. This is Cha Hakyeon who always has too many ideas to try and too many elements to practice.

"I have a few ideas. Nothing has clicked into place yet." Hakyeon confesses.

"You don't have much time to modify it if you want to practice it to death like you always do" Taekwoon says. He hits the nail spot on and Hakyeon does not appreciate his thoughts being deciphered accurately.

"I know that" he snaps, unable to hide his irritation. Why did he think this was a good idea again?

"I'll beat you again next time. Last month was a one time fluke Cha" Taekwoon tells him.

"It was not!" Hakyeon argues. He is aghast at Taekwoon's brashness and not so charmed by the roguish grin as Taekwoon expects him to be.

"Continue thinking about your routine" Taekwoon says, with a smile on his lips like a cat toying with its food.

"And here I thought that I liked you for a second" Hakyeon huffs out loud.

"I thought you worshipped me. I guess we were both wrong" Taekwoon says cheekily.

Hakyeon almost leans over and hits him on his shoulder. Taekwoon leans out of reach just in time and Hakyeon flounders. His competitive side flares up and he leans and leans forward till he finally manages to hit Taekwoon on his chest and the two men devolve into laughter.

Taekwoon readjusts himself before he can fall down and Hakyeon graciously does not hit him when he is low.

"I think I know why you still haven't started on your routine," Taekwoon tells him.

"I have started on it!” Hakyeon protests.

“Oh yeah, go ahead and show me what you have then” Taekwoon says. He points to the empty rink to emphasize his point and Hakyeon sighs deeper than he intended on.

“You’re not very happy with your victory” Taekwoon speaks the words he is too afraid to say.

“That… would be a very thankless thing to feel” Hakyeon says, drawing little circles on the floor with his feet. He doesn’t look at Taekwoon. Taekwoon always seems to know and he doesn’t need Hakyeon’s confirmation for the truth.

“Not at all. It would be just as natural as elation” Taekwoon assures him.

“What do you do when you feel like that?” Hakyeon asks him.

“Nothing. I admit how I feel and live with it. I look at why I feel sad and correct it or look for things to make me happy. Sometimes it is people, but mostly it is good food.”

“What if you feel nothing?”

“A break from emotions is not a bad thing” Taekwoon says gently.

“It’s not a break but more of… lack of knowing what to feel”

“You sound like you’ve burnt out” Taekwoon concludes. Something hasn’t been feeling right with his long time rival. Hakyeon usually blazes like the sun in whatever room he is in but now his fire is dim. Like the stars in the sky have taken a break and disappeared to a depth in space where human eyes cannot see.

“Can I afford to burn out?”

“No one can” Taekwoon says bluntly. Hakyeon winces but Taekwoon knows that he will appreciate his honesty more than sweet white lies. “Doesn’t mean that we don’t from time to time.”

“What do you do when you feel burnt out?” Hakyeon asks.

“It depends on person to person but I go looking for inspiration. I set my skates on ice once upon a time for a reason, I go look for it again” Taekwoon tells him. “Sometimes I find it, sometimes I find a new reason to go on.”

“But you always find a reason to continue?” Hakyeon asks. Taekwoon nods and Hakyeon feels hopeful in a way he hasn’t in some time. It’s okay. The way he feels is okay and he will find a way out of it. He isn’t alone.

-

When Hakyeon comes back home, he treks across the neighbourhood again. His mother yells at him to eat before he goes and he replies that he will whenever he returns and asks her not to wait up. He’s just going to Wonshik’s place, he lies and then sets off up the road and to the hill he visits.

It’s a clear and bright night and Hakyeon plugs in his ipod and listens to old playlists he hasn’t in a while. He passes by the large rink and then the convenience store and gym. He waves at a busy Sanghyuk in his restaurant as he jogs by and passes the markets and goes up the hill to the smaller villas where the lights are being switched on and the neighbours are walking their dogs. One or two yip at him and he waves in response before bowing to the pet owner and jogging by.

Unlike last time, he knows where he is headed to. Hakyeon starts to huff but doesn’t give up till he reaches the top and the sunset point rewards him with a view of the lit up city skyline. Hakyeon takes a deep breath and lies down on his back to look up at the sky. It’s a dull orange and purple with only the strong stars shining bright through the atmospheric scattering of light.

Hakyeon lies there till his breathing steadies. He feels the hours passing and knows he is well past the deadline his parents insist on but he doesn’t care. He watches the clouds drift, reflecting the city lights till there are none in the sky. The moon is a crescent and the stars twinkle and he can make out faint meteors moving across the sky. The stars are falling but it isn’t the end of the sky. Tomorrow the stars will be there again and the night after that and the night after that too.

He just has to do the same. Tomorrow he will get up and text Jaehwan to look over some new routine ideas. He’ll run the theme by Joongki before finalizing on the piece and he will simply not rest till he has the next perfect piece that will defeat Taekwoon and have his rival approving of his skills. Tomorrow, he will wear his skates and step on the ice again because that is where he belongs, regardless of his rank. It’s where he has always belonged, seven, seventeen or seventy.

Tomorrow, he will dance his heart out because he was always meant to dance on ice.

For tonight, he beams at the sky as the tiny stars fall and lets them reignite his once lost passion.

-

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starryfics1?s=09) | [Tumblr](https://vixxscifiwritings.tumblr.com) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/poojamk15)


End file.
